Truth Hurts?

The dreaded appointment has arrived. Why am I so afraid of this one? Its just another assessment, right? Except its not. Its to assess Avas future needs and her life expectancy. I like to think I am a realist and am not setting my expectations and hopes too high. I do realise my daughter may never walk or talk. I accept that she has severe epilepsy, is severely visually impaired, has significant global developmental delay, has slight dysphagia and brain damage. I am ok with that in my mind. Its taken a long time for it to sink in and maybe I will never fully accept it really. But here is the thing, I know all this but it somehow becomes all raw and hard to accept when its said to you by someone else. Seeing it down in black and white makes it an unbearable thing once again. I know this is double dutch and shouldn't be the case. Didn't I just say I know all these things. For me I am ok burying it in my yes I know but will conveniently forget pocket of my brain. Written and spoken words on the subject make it jump into a very unpleasant part of my brain. I want to pretend all is well and forget that Ava won't walk or talk in all likelihood. Finding out how long we are likely to have her is something I dread and hope I am not told from this report. I guess this is one of the triggers spoken about in the article about chronic sorrow. In the meantime I will focus on the immense joy she brings us instead.